Hoppy Minds: Easter Crafts & Coloring for Kids

Welcome to Psych Alchemy, where we mix science, humor, and common sense to help you thrive! But here’s the thing—we’re a psychiatric practice, not a psychic hotline. That means we need you to do your part in keeping things running smoothly. So, grab your favorite caffeinated beverage and take a moment to read these very important (and mildly entertaining) rules.

We’re not insurance wizards, and we can’t magically update your info—so you’ve gotta do it.

✅ Insurance & credit card information must be updated at least 48 hours before your appointment.

🚨 Failure to update insurance? Your appointment will be canceled, and you’ll be hit with a $50 fee.

🚨 Failure to update your credit card? You’ll get a $25 late payment fee (because, unfortunately, kindness doesn’t pay our bills).

If we don’t have accurate info, we can’t bill properly, and trust us—insurance companies aren’t in the business of charity.

We love technology... when it works. But if you call us at the time of your appointment saying, “I can’t log in!”—your appointment will be canceled, and you’ll be charged a $25 fee.

Why? Because your appointment time is your appointment time—not an IT help desk session. Make sure you can log in before the day of your appointment!

Look, life happens. We get it. But if you cancel less than 48 hours before your appointment or show up more than 15 minutes late, we have to charge you a $50 no-show/late cancel fee.

⚠️ New Patients, This One’s Big! – If you ghost us on your first appointment, you won’t be rescheduled. It’s like a bad first date—we’re moving on.

Why? Because that appointment slot could have gone to someone else, and we’re here to help as many people as possible. It’s not about the money—it’s about respect for other patients.

Need a copy of your records? We got you—just not instantly. It takes 10 business days, and we charge $25 to process the request.

🛑 Records Cannot Be Picked Up In Person! 🛑
We’ll send them via mail, email, or fax—whichever method works best for you. (But no, we will not be rolling up to your house like DoorDash.)

If your stimulant prescription expires because you didn’t pick it up within the 7-day window, we’ll have to charge you $10 to resend it. Why? Because paperwork is a nightmare, and we’re trying to minimize our exposure.

We know paperwork is a necessary evil, but here’s the deal:

✅ We only complete forms for patients who have been with us for at least 6 months.
✅ Forms must be brought to your actual appointment (no dropping them off like a sneaky ninja).
✅ We need 7 business days to complete them.
✅ There’s a $5 per page fee (because time = money), and we cap it at 10 pages (because sanity = priceless).

We’re all about mental wellness, but let’s be crystal clear:

Aggression of ANY kind = immediate dismissal.

That means:
❌ No yelling at staff.
❌ No rude emails.
❌ No aggressive messages written in all caps.
❌ No slamming your keyboard like you’re in an action movie.

If you or your family members get aggressive, you’re out—no second chances.

We know policies aren’t fun, but they keep everything fair for everyone. Your appointment isn’t just for you—it’s a time slot that someone else would have gladly taken. So please, be prepared, be on time, and update your info.

We’re here to help, but let’s work together to keep things smooth, stress-free, and—dare we say—fun.

See you at your next appointment! 🚀

Got questions? Need clarification? Just ask—nicely. 😊